I See The Train A Coming

So Scarlett has a friend from church.  Obviously I won't use her real name so we'll just call her Dingbat.  Which, if you knew this person, you would readily agree that that is a fitting name if not perhaps a bit more complementary than what is actually deserved.

I had the horror pleasure of meeting this individual a week ago.  Initially she seemed fairly normal.  Don't they all.....

Anyway, later that day I receive a call from Scarlett.  Dingbat is losing her medical insurance at the end of this month and could use some help.  Could I help her?  Well, I said I'd try.  Big mistake.

Dingbat proceeds to tell me her whole life story.  Like I cared or even needed to know.  Which I didn't.  Anyway, she has multiple medical issues, takes a variety of drugs, sees a stable full of doctors, has a couple of surgeries lined up, had been a caregiver for mom and dad, married with a son all of whom are now deceased.  She's on her own.  A very long story short, hubby took care of everything for her, she has no clue what the world is like here in 2017 as she seems to be someone who just crawled out of cave that she'd been in since I'd guess 1982.

But she does have a smartphone!  And therein lies today's tale.

While I was on the phone with her (she was at Tara using my home phone) and wasting away precious time, Dingbat had given Scarlett her smartphone to play around with.  Scarlett has had it in her head for 3 - 4 years that if she only had a smartphone then EVERYTHING would be easier.  EVERYTHING!  Why, she could do all kinds of things on that smartphone that she can't do any other way don't you know.  Pay bills (what happened to checks?), look up information (what your laptop doesn't get Google?), take pictures (we have a camera and her current phone has one as well), videos (current phone has that capability), get directions (she has a GPS in her car) and who the hell knows what else.

Scarlett is still trying to master her laptop.  And doing a fabulously awful job of it.  Here are just some of the questions I've fielded over the years:

What do you mean open a new tab?
How do I attach something to an email (this is an ongoing question)
Why isn't "it" working right?
I JUST WANT TO GOOGLE SOMETHING!! WHY WON'T IT LET ME GOOGLE???
I don't know if I saved it.  How would I do that?
I don't know where the file is.  Just find it for me!
How come things have to be so complicated?
I hate technology!!!!

But, Scarlett want's that damn smartphone.  Yep.  That's going to solve ALL of her problems!  Once she gets one of those, she's on easy street!  Don't believe me?  Just ask her.

So, Scarlett was dinking around on Dingbats smartphone.  Apparently looking at web pages of some sort.  Anyway, after Dingbat had sucked up far too much of my time and hung up, Scarlett gave Dingbat her phone back.  

Oh oh.  Now, according to Dingbat, her smartphone is RUINED!  Scarlett broke it!  She can't use it anymore.  And she needs to be able to talk to her lawyers!!!

I never did figure out where the lawyers figure into all of this but I do feel sorry for them.  As I do Dingbat's doctors, well, anyone who has to have contact with her.  But I digress.

A neighbor across the street has some family members living with her, one of which is computer/tech savvy.  So Scarlett calls this unsuspecting neighbor and asks if they can bring Dingbats phone over for this family member to look at.

Sure, the unsuspecting neighbor says.

And another long story short - the web pages Scarlett had been looking at were apparently stacked at the top of the screen (or something like that.  Salty does not own a smartphone) and for whatever reason, Dingbats two working brain cells thought that meant the phone was RUINED!  BROKEN!  Making her unable to TALK TO HER LAWYERS!!

Apparently a simple swipe of the thumb or finger made these dastardly web pages disappear and it was like WOW!  The smartphone has been returned from the dead!

Yes, there are still miracles being performed today!  They aren't just Old and New Testament things!

Dingbat asks (incredulously) how did you do that?  I do not know what the response was but I can only imagine that it involved some eye rolls, muttering something about a stupid bitch and how somebody now owes him big time.

So.  Today finds Scarlett and Dingbat off to Best Buy to, can you guess?  Yes, you in the back?  Did you say to buy a washer/dryer combo?  Pay attention and stop looking at your stupid smartphone!  You?  Yes you over there in the corner.  No not you, the one who looks like they play with knives in electrical sockets.  Yes you.  What's that?  A smartphone?  You think Dingbat and Scarlett have gone to Best Buy to get Scarlett a smartphone?  Now why on earth would you think that?  Why would Scarlett trust Dingbat on a purchase of something that it's quite obvious she knows nothing about?  Because it's time?  Because Scarlett is impatient?  Because as stupid as Dingbat appears no one could possibly be that ill equipped to live amongst the rest of us?

And sadly, that is precisely what is now occurring.

Have you ever watched a movie and shouted at the screen Don't go in there!  The person on the screen can't hear you.  Much like Scarlett right now.

Here's what I believe Scarlett + Smartphone + Dingbat looks like: