Appraising the situation

So today was the day that Scarlett and I (plus our respective attorneys) all received the appraisal report from the appraiser who was out at Tara about a week ago.  As I reviewed it, I felt that he had done a pretty good job of noting the condition of the property, the surrounding neighborhood, demographics et.al.  In fact, the only thing that I did see that I felt *might* become an issue was the value he pegged Tara at.  A tad lower than what Scarlett had been hoping for.

This isn't necessarily a problem for me though.  Or perhaps I should say it wasn't a surprise.  Salty is certainly no expert but he does know the difference between appraised value and market value.  The first is based primarily on observable things and surrounding facts, the second gets a lot of emotion (good and bad) thrown into it.  And this is why, in most cases, a court will recognize the considered opinion of a duly accredited appraiser over that of a real estate broker/salesman.

Now, that's all well and good but back here in the real world one must also be cognizant of the fact that just because someone with letters after their name says something does not obligate those with an interest in the outcome to accept said judgement.

And as luck would have it, that is precisely what Scarlett has chosen to do.  Again, this comes as no large shock to me.  I knew going in what she thought (hoped is probably a better word) the final figure would be and I also knew that if the final result varied very much from the amount she has had fixed in her head that we would be off to the races.

So, Scarlett calls me this afternoon to ask whether I've seen the appraisal.  Yep.  And then she proceeds to inform me that the appraiser didn't know what he was doing, he's crazy, my attorney is crooked (how that relates is beyond me, besides the fact that he isn't crooked, he's just better than hers) she will not accept this and will be bringing in a friend of hers who happens to be a Real Estate Broker or Saleswoman (can't recall which), at least when she's not acting as a hairdresser.  Not sure which of those jobs came first - real estate or hair.  And it really doesn't matter.

Anyway, I assured Scarlett that she was fully within her rights to not accept what the appraiser came up with.  And she can certainly call on her friend to offer her opinion.  To Scarlett's credit she did know that her friends "market analysis" would not hold the same weight in court as the appraisal.  And that's all fine by me.  Now, had she just left it there all would be good.  But.....Scarlett being Scarlett, she had to continue on.  Past the point of reasonableness and out onto the frontier of, if not fantasy, then a close cousin to.

She has to have x number of dollars.  I don't know how I will afford insurance.  I don't want to live in a dump.  We're talking about the rest of my life.  I don't have anyone or anything to fall back on.  I can't work.  I'm disabled.  I didn't want this divorce.  You have your parents and an inheritance.  I have nothing.

When I was able to break in I felt it necessary (again) to try and explain to Scarlett that I knew she wouldn't care for the appraised amount and that that goes back to what I'd been telling her for sometime now that we would eventually find ourselves sitting down and doing some horse trading.

Well she didn't care for that terminology.  Fine.  How about negotiating?  Compromise?  Give and take?  I don't give a damn what you call it but it all amounts to you not getting all you want and me not getting all I want.

Maybe it's just me but I think that is fair.

Apparently I don't think too good though.  I once again got to listen to how all Scarlett wants is her half of everything.  50/50.  That's (this states) law.  My response?

I agree completely Scarlett.  All things that are deemed 100% community property are to be split 50/50.  However, not everything you see is community property and not all the community property (by virtue of gifting) is subject to a 50/50 division.  And that knife cuts both ways.  Some items are yours by virtue of gifting and will start off in your column and will only move over to mine through a mutually agreeable trade.  But the same is true on my side.

Ever heard that expression that what's yours is ours and what's hers is hers?  I always thought that was a joke.  Either I was horribly mistaken or there are some out there who simply don't see the humor.  They take it as gospel.  Some unwritten matrimonial law.

And I sit there and wonder how in the f**K are we going to end this when one of us is having trouble understanding the simplest of things.  That brings me to my audience with the Shah last night.

You know, there are good sessions where at the end of them you feel charged up, vindicated, you know you're on the right path etc etc.  And just to keep things balanced, there are not so good sessions where you walk out thinking...I paid for that??  Crap.

Last night was more the latter than the former.  The Shah likes to tell the truth as he sees it or as his experience leads him to believe it to be.  Scarlett, according to him WILL have a difficult time landing someone else to take my place.  Now, I've heard this from Scarlett but chalked it up to self pity and whatnot.  No, according to Dr. Shah she's pretty much straight on.  What are older gentlemen usually looking for in a new woman?  Mostly what Scarlett lacks.  Health, Youth, Employment to name the big three.

Scarlett is "healthy" though she does suffer from more than her fair share of chronic conditions.  Youth (as in no older than 45)...yeah...sadly that ship has long since sailed and isn't coming back to this port.  Employment, or better put, a decent income?  The last time Scarlett had a decent income was when I initially met her.  30+ years ago.  Suffice to say that Salty was not feeling too chipper at the end of this little truth telling.  But, I'd rather hear the truth than a lie.  At least I have some idea of what I need to prepare for and/or what to expect.

And at the moment I'm expecting a rather tough row to hoe.  Probably be easier if I didn't give a damn about what happens to Scarlett but for some reason that's not the way I was raised.  The key here is to get her to understand that she will in fact be fine.  But whenever the key to something is dependent upon her understanding....yeah, that one can be rough.

All prayers and good thoughts are very much appreciated, as always!