Sunday morning. Time to reflect with a good cup o' joe and just ramble on.
I've often accused Scarlett of suffering from cognitive dissonance though never to her personally. What strikes me is that along with her, I too must have my own share of this.
Cognitive Dissonance: the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, performs an action that is contradictory to one or more beliefs, ideas or values, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
On the one hand, I have believed (or told myself convincingly enough) that Scarlett, on balance, has her heart in the right place. That she cares more for others than she does for herself. She does not do things for personal gain.
On the other hand, I have witnessed her rude and condescending behavior towards others (behavior that were I the one engaging in it would result in a severe tongue lashing by....Scarlett), I have overheard conversations where she was quite plainly masking the truth (lying) and telling others what they wanted to hear for what I knew was her own ulterior motive.
She has claimed from almost the first day that I met her that money is not important to her. It's all about happiness and contentment. She could live a simple life and be wonderfully happy each day just rejoicing in what God has provided.
However. I have also been called selfish, greedy, cheap, tight and a few other things along those lines. How did I square those statements with her professed belief that money was not important? Cognitive dissonance!
How did I continue to believe that she had a good heart, the best of intentions and truly thought well of others when I heard her sniping, snarkiness and general disgust towards certain other people? Especially women who she deemed to be better looking than her. Cognitive dissonance!
As much as I hate to say this, there is obviously something wrong with me as well. Why did I put up with this nonsense for so long? The signs were there, hell they weren't even signs. More like clubs that I was being beaten with. Yet through it all I continued to believe the outward persona that she put on was her true self.
How does a normal person do that? Well, a normal person wouldn't!
How long should someone put up with an accusation of being gay? This has been a recurring theme of hers going back to at least 2001. 16 years? You gotta be kidding me I would say if a friend related this story to me. What the hell are you still doing there?
At least I'm not still there. Yay for me. Well, yes I am still there. Sort of. But we're on the road out of crazy town. No firm idea yet on how long a journey I have ahead of me but at least now I know I'm headed in the right direction.
It took me some time but I've known for a year or more that where Scarlett belongs in my life is in my rear view mirror.
I need more coffee.
Whoa. I got behind in my reading. Now I am caught up! You made so much sense! And you are a very very good writer!
ReplyDeleteAll the conclusions you have come to are brilliant and healthy! Better than I could do.
You are going to be okay and soooo happy with your life soon. I get why you tend to worry, but all you can do is what you have done. Write it all down and just flat say to her, This time you need to cut the crap and LISTEN to what i am saying! She going to HAVE to listen at some point and if she doesn't just say, I can't do this, she will have to learn.