Miranda

When you find yourself dealing with a cluster B personality disordered individual (borderline, histrionic, narcissist or anti-social) you need to tread very carefully.  It's almost like they should be reading you your Miranda rights -

1. You have do not have the right to remain silent.

2. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

3. You have do not have the right to talk to a lawyer and have him present during questioning.

4. If you cannot afford to hire a lawyer, one will be appointed to represent you before any questioning if you wish. Too bad.

5. You can decide at any time to exercise these rights and not answer any my questions or make any statements.

Do you understand each of these rights as I have explained screamed them to you?
Having these rights in mind, do you wish to will talk to me now.

So what did I do to bring all this on?  Some days I believe just the mere act of breathing is enough.

When Scarlett got back from the Hall of Hypocrites yesterday, Salty was deep into office/computer work.  Do you want to go get some ice cream? No.  Do you want to go to the beach? No.  Do you want to go on a bike ride?  No.  Well, what do you want to do she asked.  Stuff around here that needs doing.  Granted, not the most exciting and fun filled way to spend a Sunday but she knows there is plenty to do around Tara and going off and doing something does not get any of those things accomplished.

Later in the afternoon I and Salty dog were in the backyard when Scarlett decides she needs to water the back 40.  So Salty dog and I retreated to the garage and eventually into the manor.  Wherein which we discover Scarlett crying.

Sometimes it's like a really bad accident, you know you shouldn't look but you just can't help yourself.  So I took a seat in a rocking chair and waited.  Sometimes I think the Shah's description of me as somewhat of a masochist is not too far from the truth.  Well, I didn't have to wait long for her to discover where I was and then the questions, statements, accusations started in earnest.

Why did you come back?
What do you want from me?
You never loved me.
You tried to change me.
You're not even trying.
You only came back for Tara, your possessions and Salty Dog.

Now my intent was to merely listen, let her get this stuff off her chest and then see if there was a chance of a calm and rational discussion.  But as Mike Tyson once explained, everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.

So I violated a cardinal rule in dealing with these individuals by resorting to JADE - Justifying, Arguing, Defending and Explaining.  Which I know from past experience only adds fuel to the fire.  Sometimes they listen and you think you've made some headway.  And sometimes the sun rises in the west and sets in the east.  Oh wait, no it doesn't.

Now, since the present is a direct result of the past I attempted to bring up some past actions.  Mine as well as hers.  And for my troubles I received the hamster wheel comment - "I don't want to get back on that hamster wheel.  Forget about the past, we have to move forward."

Shortly after that exchange I retreated to my office.  Had a phone call I needed to make.  A call she was well aware of.  Instead, she followed me and now wanted to talk about her favorite subjects, those being forgiveness and humility.  Apparently two qualities I have not had in abundance.  Something I really don't deny.  But then it struck me.  Prior to Salty, Scarlett had been married to another gentlemen just long enough to produce two offspring.  Jarhead and Virginia.  That union ended when Francisco got another senorita with child but as I would later find out, his indiscretion was directly correlated to Scarlett's equal disregard for their marriage vows.  Who was it that said you reap what you sow?

Anyway, I also recalled that it had taken Scarlett close to 1 score and 2 to not only forgive Francisco but also inform her children that the story she had led them to believe all their life wasn't exactly the whole truth.  So Salty asked her this point blank - how many years did it take you to forgive Francisco AND tell your kids the truth?  Silence.  So I continued, DO NOT talk to me about forgiveness and humility you hypocrite.  More silence.  Man, I'm on a roll.  And I should've stopped while I was ahead.

I mentioned during her silence that this was no way to live.  She wasn't happy, I wasn't happy and that maybe it would be best if I just moved out.  You QUITTER!  I'm not asking you to leave, I don't want you to leave!  This one is on you!  You're abandoning me!  You're abandoning your DOG!  He's an old dog and he NEEDS YOU!

And now I am late for my phone call.  Scarlett eventually left my office, I closed the door and was getting ready to place my call when she opened the door, then kicked the door.  I got up and closed it only to have her repeat what she had just done.



She managed to push a button I did not know I even had.  After the second door opening instance she repeated her statement concerning Salty Dog and I pretty much lost it.  Not the thing you want to do when dealing with a cluster B.  More shouting, more yelling, more name calling.  Finally decided that this was not the way to address and solve the issue/problem.  Leaving now would accomplish nothing, at least nothing that I originally came back to accomplish. Anyway, once she had me worked up into a frenzy, she went downstairs to savor her victory.  And sadly that's exactly what it was.  The only solace I can take in this is that one more seed has been planted.

Today finds Scarlett down in Slipstream seeing her mother.  At least I have a little bit of peace and quiet today.