It started out simple enough...

Well it's been a few days so it's time to get some more of the recent events down on virtual paper while they're still relatively fresh in the old noggin.

Scarlett had been fairly quiet and well behaved but there's always a limit to how long that will last.  Sometimes it can be measured in weeks, other times days, or even hours.  This spell of normalcy lasted for almost 3 weeks.  I have no idea really if that's any sort of record.  It's just nice while it lasts.

But this past Monday it all changed.  Again.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, we had Tara appraised and Scarlett was none to happy with the value that the appraiser gave.  That was her beginning topic on Monday.  The appraiser (that her attorney chose) didn't know what he was doing.  She doesn't like her attorney.  Actually what she doesn't like is that he will not tell her what she wants to hear.  Somehow that led to a conversation about medical insurance (one that I have had with her numerous times) and how she didn't know how she'd be able to afford it.

Now what's really going on here is not any true worry on her part about whether or not she can afford insurance (she can) but whether buying that as well as paying for her own medical expenses will leave anything for travel.  It always comes down to travel....

So she has that fear, and she doesn't feel as though her attorney is doing what he should, and she feels like she has no one in her corner.  Personally I feel for her attorney in this because I know exactly what the poor guy is up against.  Scarlett changes her mind so often and with such intensity that it gets to the point that you don't want to do anything because you don't know when she will change her mind again.

Anyway, Scarlett now has a fear of being at Tara during Christmas.  She wants to be gone.  In her own place.  But at the same time, contrary to many past discussions, she wants to take Salty Dog with her.  Except that she doesn't feel it would be fair to him to take him from the only home he's ever known.  A sentiment I share.  However, she then goes on to say that Tara is not his home, she is.  And so he needs to stay with her.  It's also not fair that she has to say goodbye to Tara (but it was okay for me to last year??) So....let me see if I have this straight so far.  Scarlett does not want to be at Tara at Christmas (or any other time for that matter now) while at the same time she believes it unfair that she has to say goodbye to it.  And on top of that, she wants to take Salty Dog with her even though it's not fair to him to take him away from his home.  Sort of.  She also made mention of his age, how if he's with her he might have to go downstairs whenever nature called and so he should be at Tara.  Except with her.  Who doesn't want to be at Tara.  Except when she does.

Got it?  Yeah, neither do I.

Moving on.....

The following day, after I had gone out to the house to help her find a few items (that were in plain sight) I received a phone call informing me that she did not need my help, she could take care of herself thank you very much.

Whew!  What a relief that is!  But I couldn't help myself.  I had to ask how someone who can take care of themselves couldn't find something that was in plain sight.  So silly me asked that question.  Rather than answer that question she posed another one.  Why was I so angry?

But I'm not angry I told her.  Yes you are!  Uh, no I'm not.  Yes you are, I can tell.  You just want to control everything!  Uh, no...I had to control most things because you either couldn't or wouldn't.

Note to present/future husbands - probably not what you want to say to the little woman IF your intent is to stay on her good side.  I no longer give a flying fuck so I just tell the truth with abandon.  But that's just me.  Your mileage may vary.

And that brings us to Wednesday.

You know, some days just start off so nice that you really should take that as a warning.  Scarlett had nothing planned that day that I knew about which meant that she would be walking Salty Dog and I could stay at the campsite and concentrate on some work matters that had been piling up.  Well, that plan worked until early afternoon.

She called, initially to tell me about some dream she'd had but the conversation quickly shifted to the appraiser...again.  She had brought in a 2nd appraiser who pegged the value a little higher than the first.  Almost like he'd been told to do that.  But that's a conspiracy theory for another day.  So now Scarlett starts to tell me just how things will be.  Almost like she was judge and jury.  I let her blather on and at the end of it just said that it's all a game of negotiation and compromise.  Well, she'll let a judge decide that!  Fine.  Truthfully I'd love to see her in court.  My sense is that when things started to not go her way that she'd lose it for all to see and neither I nor my attorney would need to waste valuable time convincing the judge that we're dealing with fruit loops here.  But I digress.

I ended that call simply because what Scarlett was really looking for was an argument and I didn't feel like playing.  So, the field of play shifted to email.  Have I mentioned my ambivalence towards technology?  Sometimes we are just too easy to reach.  Cell phones and email being the two prime culprits.  And don't get me started on Facebook or any of the other damn social media sites.  Okay, went off on another tangent.  But stay tuned for a post on how much I dislike technology!  Yes, I do see the irony.  Complaining about technology on technology....just because I use it doesn't mean I have to like it =)

So now we're playing dueling emails.  Started out simple enough.  How many times have I said that?

Scarlett wants to know Why did you do it? Why did you turn my life upside down and make me start over at 60? Why? Just a simple answer. Is it because you stopped loving me? I think I deserve an answer for all that has been done to me over this last year and a half.

Silly me decided to answer thusly:

Why did I do what?

I did not turn your life upside down and make you start over again at 60. You accomplished that all on your own. Your over reaction, your lack of impulse control, your lack of control over what comes out of your mouth, your scorched earth policy, your rash decision to run to an attorney, changing locks and codes, destroying two safes, draining two accounts, spending sprees, the spreading of vicious rumors, baseless accusations (trolling, gay, pedophile), blaming me, as you've once again done, for WHAT you did to yourself. You think you deserve an awful lot here. How many times have I sat and listened to you tell me how you deserve to know this, be told that, I owe you an answer for blah blah blah....Trouble is, you don't want the truth. What you want is for me to take all the blame. Accept all the responsibility. Prostrate myself and beg for your forgiveness. Beg to come home under any circumstance and subject to any rules, regulations etc. Consign the remainder of my life to living within your dictates. Come back and in essence say that yes all of you were right and that I deserved every god damn fucking thing that was done to me, said about me and taken from me.

I've done very damn little to you over this past year and a half. Certainly far, far less than what, given what has been done to me, you might reasonably expect from virtually anyone else. I've taken the hits, I've taken the punches, I've taken the insults, the rumors, the accusations, the lies presented as fact and what have I done throughout all of it? I've paid the bills, I've come over when requested (most of the time), I've purchased what, 2 round trips to XX? I've kept a credit card in force that for months and months and months you simply abused. But I kept paying the bill. I paid for repairs to your car, your medical expenses. Walmart, Costco, Amazon.

You want someone and something else to blame. You're perfect. You're godly. You're Christian. You're this that and everything else. You were the perfect wife, I was a creep of a husband. I have so many faults and problems I should get down on my knees and thank the good lord that you stuck with me for as long as you did. That's what you believe. Maybe not that you'd ever truly admit it but that's still the truth deep down as far as you seem to be concerned.

My anger gets referenced quite a bit. True enough. Why am I angry, especially when it comes to you? Because there is so damn little I can or could ever really discuss with you. To do so meant that I had to hear your little pity party, you wanted this, it's so unfair, well XXXX, XXXX, XXXXX or whoever the friend of the day was, they get to travel - I want to travel, that's all I ever wanted, and I need attention, I told you that from the very beginning, I'm disabled, I can't work....good fucking grief. It was simpler and far less stressful for me (and I imagine for you too) if I just kept my mouth shut and did what I thought best. Until you got mad at me for doing just that and telling me you wanted to discuss things, that's what married people do and then I'd try. Only to find that it (usually) ended in an argument. Which was the exact reason I didn't want to have the discussion to begin with.

I may not be an easy person to live with but if you think you are then you are delusional. Or maybe you are. Just with everyone else. Oil and water. Bleach and ammonia. Gasoline and sparks. Cats and dogs.

Well the response to that was like a blast from the past. A phone call was made and a voice mail left telling me in no uncertain terms that she wanted the key to Tara back and that I could say goodbye to Salty Dog because I would never see him again.

I relayed to her later 2 things:

1. Did I not mention rash decisions and impulse control?


2. With no key the walking and feeding of Salty Dog will be damn near impossible

Oopsy daisy. She needs me to have a key so that I can accomplish item #2 for her and in response to item #1 her reply was a very godly like STFU.

But it didn't end there. Before the evening was over I stood accused of walking the neighborhood with a girlfriend who had a small white dog. One, this is a baseless accusation (as have been all of her accusations not only in the present day but also in the past) and two, the woman described fits an across the street neighbor to a "T". The mind boggles at the idiocy.

That accusation was eventually put to rest but not before the last vestige of what could have been, and had started out to be, a productive day, was irretrievably lost.