PhD in stress

I am really beginning to hate Saturdays.  This is the day when Scarlett and I have our couples counseling session.  And they never quite go the way I think they should.  But first a little background if only for me.

The Shah was the one who referred me to Irving back in February.  Which at the time was a bit strange.  He told me that for a couples counselor I should be looking for a female psychologist who was NOT a marriage and family therapist.  The goal was to find someone that would look at this situation objectively, determine whether in fact what was left of this marriage could or should be saved, what was best for the two parties involved and then assist one or both in making the needed transition.  But....Irving is NOT female and he IS a marriage and family therapist.  However the Shah assured me that this was the guy I was looking for.  Well as I discovered this past Thursday, Irving and the Shah haven't really conversed in the past two or so years...which goes a long way in explaining how I wound up with someone the exact opposite of what he himself said I wanted.

So I've taken a number of the opportunities presented to me in these couples sessions to point out Irving's bias when it comes to marriage vs. what might be best for those involved, his lack of objectivity as well as what is very apparently goal seeking.  No doubt there are many areas in life where these are good attributes to have.  Not so much in couples counseling IMO.

Anyway.  First topic of the day was stress.  Apparently I arrived looking quite stressed and worn out.  And this I guess was the first time he noticed.....So I tell him that as a matter of fact I am stressed.  Have been for about a year now.  2 guesses as to why and the first one doesn't count.  His cure?  Well that's why we have to work on getting you two back together.  Uh, hold it.  Your bias is showing as well as your lack of objectivity.  I think what we need to do is determine what is in each of our best interests.  Well he agreed with that.  Wow.  Thanks.  But is there someway to not agree with that?

Scarlett was staying silent so I ran him through all the past weeks highlights culminating in Scarlett's suitcase maneuver.  Told him that about 45 minutes after she'd left that I felt more relaxed and calm than I had in months and months and months.  And that when Scarlett reappeared on Friday that she had said she felt very relaxed once she got out of there.

But I'm talking to someone with a PhD so what seemed like an obvious connection there to me just blew right past him.  Or he caught it but since it did not fit his narrative he needed to ignore it.  Sometimes I wonder if once I step into that room I just start speaking Swahili because what I say does not seem to be understood.

And what did Scarlett have to say on all this?

She knows she's been very erratic this past year (really?  wow, what insight) but that's only because she is such an emotional person and all of her reactions and emotions are PERFECTLY normal.  Someone told her that.  Someone obviously who was unaware of the full range and scope of her actions and reactions.  But "God" told her he was making something better for her.  Now, a few months back, this something better I was told was a better man.  Today I am told, no, not a man, but a better marriage.  I guess that's one of the perks of having "God" talk to you and only you.  You can change what he said to fit your current psychosis.  So now she is back to "fighting for the marriage", digging in her heels, waiting me out etc. etc. etc.

I've been on this ride before.  But unlike most carnivals, the rides in this one vary in length and intensity each time you're on them.  But none of them are fun.  And the clowns here are mean too.  No candy apples and no exit yet that I can find.

I hate carnivals.