Truckin'

I recall a green upright Hoover vacuum that my folks had while I was in my formative years.  I hated that thing.  Gave me the creeps.  Seemed like it was alive and would suck me in if I didn't keep an eye on it or well out of it's evil way.  And somewhere along the way I saw a Twilight Zone show where the appliances, including a vacuum cleaner decided to attack their owner.  Proof!  I knew I wasn't crazy.  But it seemed I was the only one who KNEW.  Except for Rod Serling.  And if you can't trust him, well, I don't know what to tell you.

So what caused this old and scary memory to be dredged up?  I find I am now living with that same damn infernal machine!  But now it has arms and legs and is able to propel itself on it's own.  This one you can't unplug, stick into a closet, close the door and be safe.  Scarlett It just keeps on trying to suck you in.

I KNEW it!!  I knew that machine was evil.  What I didn't know was that it would find a way to follow me throughout my life.  Today's lesson?  Just because mommy and daddy tell you there is nothing to be afraid of, sometimes there is.  They're just too old to see it!

Anyone remember Art Linkletter and his show Kids Say The Darndest Things?  Were he still alive today, he could bring back an updated version of that.  Cluster B's Say the Darndest Things.  Yesterday would have made for a good segment.

Had to take Scarlett up to one of her chiropractors to get stretched.  Though as it would turn out my chauffeuring her was unnecessary.  Oh well, I like to think of it as Driving Miss Crazy.  But I digress.  So she gets stretched and on the way back we're just making small talk.  Debating the current President, his economic policies, foreign policies (at least as near as I can make them out), the economy in general yadda yadda yadda.  When out of the blue, out of left field (pick your favorite saying) Scarlett asks me, growing up, what I wanted to be.  Okay.  Now where did that come from?  Am I being set up?  Baited?  This is one of the reasons it takes me so long to answer any of her questions.  I have to look at all the angles.  Yeah, I know.  Sounds healthy to me too.

So I finally decide this might be a safe question and say that after a certain point I just figured I'd be working in the family business so I didn't spend too much time worrying about it.  Scarlett responded by saying that I guess you didn't have a lot of choices.  No, that's not what I said.  Apparently she wasn't listening because she then offered up that having a lot of choices can be scary and unnerving.  Huh.  Really?   Never really saw it that way personally.  But instead I told her, well maybe I just did what I thought was expected.

Scarlett then said how that really sucked (ironic choice of words I thought) and that it was my life I should do what I want.  From the mouths of cluster b's to mangle a phrase....

However, having been around this little freak show for awhile and having a fairly good working Cluster B decoder ring (always pay up for the good ones, the cereal box ones don't work) I knew that what Scarlett said was not quite what she meant.  When Scarlett says it's your life and you should do what you want, what she really means to say is that you should do what you want as long as it parallels what she wants you to do.  Your life is not yours don't you know.  Well it is to the extent that Scarlett will allow it.

At least that's the way it used to be.  With the help of many friends, online resources as well as the Shah, my eyes have been opened.  While there are those who sincerely believe I should put a stake through the evil heart, use a silver bullet, arrange for an unfortunate nail gun accident be gone and away from this quickly, I beg to differ.

I have maintained from Day One that I want to conclude this in the right, proper, kind, friendly and civil way.  Payback, retribution, being purposefully hurtful, uncaring and the like, despite my outward persona/appearance is not how I want this handled.  At the end of this Salty has to live with what he's done and be able to look at himself in the mirror.

We all handle our trials and tribulations in our own way.  This is mine.  And with that, the lyrics of The Grateful Dead from Truckin' spring to mind:

Sometimes the light's all shinin' on me,
Other times I can barely see.
Lately it occurs to me what a long, strange trip it's been.