Let There Be Light

I'm tempted to say that slowly but surely the light is dawning for me but that's not quite correct.  The light dawned years ago but back then nothing seemed amiss.  Wasn't this the way all or most married couples lived?  Arguing, forced apologies, a very definite feeling that there were some things, important and not so that she just didn't get?

But what brought all this to mind was a continuation of a somewhat dormant conversation concerning my buying out her half of Tara plus questions and concerns of hers regarding alimony, medical insurance and medical payments.

I believe that both sides here have settled on the idea that I will be buying Scarletts half of Tara.  However, before that can occur, we are both having the residence appraised and for my part I am also working with a forensic accounting firm to ascertain my full ownership percentage.  Scarlett has tried in the past to talk me out of this but I know that the ownership split is not the 50/50 she would like.  This is true of some other assets as well, which the forensic firm is also looking into.

If you have ever dealt with accountants, and being one myself for far too many years I know this first hand, you need to have patience while we dot the "i's", cross the "t's", confirm that all the figures foot and that our backup documentation is in order.

So as part of this conversation, Scarlett wanted to discuss alimony.  She wants more than what she presently believes she will get.  My side is of the opinion that what she presently believes is inflated to a degree and that at the end of this her monthly amount will actually be lower.  At this stage and for the dollars involved I really don't give a rats ass.  That could change and probably will, though Scarlett knows I have no desire to kick her to the curb.

Well, as it turns out, one of the things that she is a bit vague on is what determines the monthly alimony amount.  Based on her complaints to me it sounded as if she thought it was based on the number of years that you were married.  Her plaintive plea was "After 30 years is that all I'm worth to you?"  So I had to explain (and wondered why I needed to as I was doing it) that alimony is based on earned income.  No more, no less.  Years of service count for nothing.  And if they did, though I didn't say this, I put in as many years so shouldn't mine be worth something to?

That seemed to quiet her down yesterday (Friday), but today she was back in full force.  Earlier today I went over to Fog Beach to see Salty Dog while Scarlett was meeting with Irving.  While I was there I snuck a peek at the latest pro-forma's I'd provided her with, on Thursday, as well as my 3 page explanation/narrative of what those pro-forma's were trying to convey to her.

She had made some notes.  Next to the alimony she'd written "You are going to pay me more than this", next to the line item for her estimated monthly medical/dental/Rx expenses she had written "You will be paying for this" and finally, next to the line item for medical insurance she'd penned "You will be paying for this too".

Now, when I initially saw those I got a little mad.  Not because what she wrote has any standing in reality but because we have been over this ground many, many times.  Yet, Scarlett still, for some unknown reason, firmly believes that I will be on the hook for these (and likely other) expenses of hers EVEN THOUGH WE WILL BE DIVORCED.  And then I had to smile.

I smiled because that was when the light I mentioned above began to show itself.  At some point in the near future I will have to tell Scarlett that no, I am not paying this expense or that expense.  Those are your responsibility.  In fact, after we are divorced you will be responsible for your life.  Something that sadly you've never really had to do before.  Well, that's not entirely true.  There was a very brief period in her life when she was responsible but it was during that time that we met, I realized she didn't have a clue what she was doing and proceeded to rescue her.  And yet not once during that time did I notice the big red flag waving in my face.  Man.  Live and learn I guess.

Scarlett, who claims she does not want this divorce (which is fodder for another post) has for virtually all of her life, been taken care of by someone else.  First her mother and father, which is to be expected, than her first husband and then me.  Now, soon it will be her turn and she is running scared at the thought of that.

Given what I've gleaned over the past 30 years with her, I'd say she has good reason to be running scared.