.38 Special

I have to say I really feel for Scarlett.  I can't imagine it's easy being in an adult body, knowing you are an adult but also knowing you can, have and will throw temper tantrums like a child/pre-teen/adolescent.

Somewhere, somehow she knows that is not acceptable (positive reinforcement notwithstanding), it is not how she should behave and no wonder many friends begin to back away, get busy, no longer call etc.

Were that me (thank you God it isn't) I can't help but think I would feel humiliated, small, fearful that others would eventually see me like that and disappear from my life.

Coupled with this, when Scarlett finds someone to call a friend, she has a tendency to smother them.  

The group 38 Special had a song - Hold on Loosely (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJtf7R_oVaw) that I tried to get her to understand to not much effect.  I found it helpful in of all places, flight training.  The key to proper control of an aircraft (at least one of them) is a loose hold on the yoke or stick.  Same with a motor vehicle.

I would go so far as to say that most things in life do not require a white knuckled death grip but instead a loose hold (reality would be an exception here), keep and maintain control, contact whatever the case may be but allow some freedom of movement for that other thing/person whatever to find its own equilibrium and balance.  I'm sure I could be accused of holding things too loose at times but I'll take that risk. 

I could never quite do that as much as I wanted with Scarlett.  I'd try, loosen my "grip" as it were and let her solo to use a flight analogy.  Far too many times I witnessed what can only be described as a painful and expense laden result from those efforts.  So naturally I'd tighten my grip again.  Until the next time.

Now I find myself in a position where I know I need to let go entirely but the hell of it is is that due in part to my actions over the years she doesn't quite know how to do what most of us take for granted on a daily basis.  Am I 100% at fault?  Absolutely not.  But the compassion in me says to help her, assist her, be there for her.

Which just serves to perpetuate the cycle I imagine.

Damn.  I want a perpetual motion machine, not a perpetual emotion one.