Scarlett leaves in a couple of days to go visit a daughter and family 3,000 miles away. She'll be gone for a week. Myself, I will be taking up temporary residence in my house for that week. I think her continued absence from the house lately has had some ill effects on Salty dog. Earlier this year or maybe it was late last year, you know, the days all just run together at times.....he blew his coat. Well, that's starting up again. So my main project while I'm there is to give him the loving attention he seems to be anxious for. Told him today (he's smarter than you think) that he and I were going to have some good times next week. Eat some good food off the bbq, spend time out in the backyard making that look a bit more presentable (plus a lot of play), watch some good movies and go on some car rides. I think he liked those ideas based on all the tail wagging I saw!The good doctor weighed in this past week on the need for boundaries with Scarlett. Again. I'm not dense and I do *get it* but this is just one of those areas where I take baby steps. I know Scarlett well enough that if I were to erect a full blown boundary wall that she would see that as a call to battle. Something I really do not need to deal and contend with right now. So the best I can do is to put up a few fence posts here and there, add in some cross members, maybe a strand or two of barb wire here and there and see what happens. Not what the purists in this line of business seem to have in mind, but as I've discovered here, what sounds good is not necessarily what works out in the real world.
Take what you can, when you can and be happy for it. At least that's my working theory.
Truth be told, it's been a depressing couple of weeks. Why, I can't quite seem to put my finger on. Is it due to the approaching mediation (that still has no date set)? Might be. Because I still worry about how Scarlett is going to handle herself when she's on her own? Yeah, that's a concern whether it should be or not.
What I do know is that in the past week Scarlett has had more than her fair share of rejection. Try as I might I just can't find any glee in that. I sympathize with her, to a degree I also empathize but I also know that most of this has to do with her shooting off her mouth or trying to show off and having it fall flat. I feel bad for her but at the same time have to corral what I would normally do or say. Mixed messages and all that.
Strikes me again how easier this entire process would be were I dealing with someone who at heart wasn't a child. And that too is why I hold my tongue quite a bit. No point in chastising a child for doing something they cannot yet grasp the full implications of. Better to take them aside and try and explain in terms they will understand why what happened to them happened.
Sounds good and I've tried that as well in the deep dark past. Then I hear how she isn't stupid. Don't treat me like a child. How dumb do you think I am? It wasn't me, it was them. It's not my fault they blah blah blah.....and on and on it would go.
No Scarlett, you are not stupid. But if that's true, then what I've seen and heard you do at times means that you are behaving thus with full knowledge of your actions. Reminds me of an altercation I got into years and years ago. Dumb jackass made a really botched attempt at parking his car and almost took mine out in the process. When he finally got out of his car I asked him if he was drunk. I get a weird look and his response, rather indignantly was that he was sober. All I could say at that point was you drive that way sober?
I love the joke about the guy's driving. That's a keeper. Yeah the last two weeks have been awful for her. She HAS to be getting it a little, tho. She has to be connecting her behavior to the bad outcomes even if she won't admit it. And it is happening with several people, so she can't just blame ALL the people involved. It's sad, but if she is learning that the way she's used to acting isn't working anymore, then it's a good thing. She hasn't ever had consequences because you talked to her and smoothed things out. Now that she is on her own, let's hope, there is some learning. I cannot tell you how many times I decided to make some smart ass comment, it fell flat, and I was embarrassed. I try to screen my mouth now for a minute or so before I blurt out something that I thought would be funny, but got me bad looks. But see, that is the learning part and hopefully she will start getting it. Cause and effect. Stuff the rest of us learned in junior high. What I am praying is that she will have a moment of clarity and tie it all together and start being less impulsive and outspoken. She will have to tone it all down if she wants any friends and better outcomes. She never had to learn this stuff before because she always had you. It will probably be like this in her finances, too for a while but hopefully, she will learn that lesson, too. So I am praying she figures it all out. If everything she does causes a scene/bounced checks/losing friends/etc. she will have to look at how she has been doing things. That's how children learn.
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