Third time's the charm?

I'm not sure who had "24" in the pool of how long Salty would be in FB, but that's the winning number.

Scarlett had another one-on-one with Irving yesterday and a hour later was the couple's session.  After the small talk, and with 4 pages of notes in my hand, Scarlett suggested that I start.  I said to Irving that I was sure he'd heard about Sunday.  That was met with a quizzical look until Scarlett reminded him that yes they had discussed that earlier. But it was all being said as though it was no big deal.  Something told me that perhaps Irving had not heard the full story.

So that's where I began, or at least tried to.  There was something Scarlett, I think, did not want me to say, but I'd told the Shah on Thursday that I'd be telling Irving exactly what happened and this was going to be one of those (rare) times when what Scarlett wants Scarlett does not get.

Gave him the whole scoop.  Argument, forgiveness, humility, asking her to leave the room, her kicking in the door 3 times and my ultimate reaction to that as well as my fleeting thought concerning Scarlett and the landing on the stairs.  Told him that the Shah had advised me to leave the house because things were becoming too heated and to stay risked something happening that both Scarlett and I would later regret.  When I was done, she told Irving NOT to tell me to leave because if I left for a third time, then that was it.  Irving however said that safety was paramount and that given this turn of events it would be wise for us to be separated for awhile.

Later in the day, Scarlett would spin all this into something that while essentially true is really like a movie based loosely on the book.

I'd come in with my four pages of notes, but due to almost constant interruptions, snide snarky comments from Scarlett, even with Irving trying to get her to be quiet I only managed to maybe get through half of what I'd come in to say.

At one point she screamed at me that I was only looking for a legitimate reason to end this so that I would not feel guilty.  But, she said, "you will always be guilty!"  And it was with that statement that I left the meeting 20 minutes before it was to end.

I eventually got back to Fog Beach a couple hours later.  Opened the garage and saw Scarletts car parked smack dab in the middle.  Not really any surprise.  Parked mine on the driveway and went in the house.  Went upstairs to my office and shortly after that I heard her asking me if I was leaving.

Leaving?  I just got here.

Are you leaving today?

Uh, this is my house too.

Well, there are two therapists that have said that you need to leave the house until your anger issues are dealt with.  And I don't feel good about you being here.  I'm afraid.  I don't want to be pushed down the stairs.

And there was the spin as well as things being taken out of context.  Scarlett was horrified that Irving might say we should be separate for now, but now she's using him as justification for telling me to leave a third time.  She also failed to mention any role she played in this by provoking me to a state in which I would, however briefly, entertain those thoughts of violence.  I've heard her say on more than one occasion that things do not occur in a vacuum.  But I guess that's only when she's discussing her bad behavior.

So with a little help, I spent the next hour or so (Scarlett and my furry friend left for a while) moving everything out that I had just moved back in about 3 weeks ago.  Thankfully I had wisely not unpacked very much. 

Today finds me back at the campsite and missing my house and my 4 legged friend.  I am neither mad nor angry at Scarlett.  I honestly believe that she is almost incapable of admitting to her role in all of this.  Cluster B's cultivate a very nice image of themselves by projecting all their bad behaviors (or at least most of them) onto those who they are close to, thereby making them the bad guys.  Conflict therefore can rarely be completely resolved because one party is adamant in not accepting a full measure of their culpability.  In order for things to progress, or more accurately I suppose, detour around the problem, requires that the non PD in the relationship shoulder more, if not all, of the blame and responsibility for those things that go wrong.

It is a sad state of affairs because like most people, the CB's do have their good sides. They can be fun to be around, they often are the life of the party and can often put a smile on your face.  But they also have a deep dark side that when exposed can and often does obliterate their relationships.

The healthy thing to do, when you realize that you are involved with this type of person is to end it before you get sucked in to the vortex.  That is easier said then done for many individuals.

Something I imagine I will be exploring in future posts.