I need hugs

Fairly quiet of late in regards to Scarlett.  Not completely but better than the recent past.

At times one gets the feeling that she has accepted the path we are one and at others, not so much.

Yesterday was an example of the former while today was an example of the latter.

Yesterday she was talking condos, new this, new that.  Sounded as though she was looking forward to the adventure.  Even wanted me to get involved in the looking process.  All very upbeat.

Today however she called and was sad, blue and depressed.  Wanted me to come over and comfort her.  I never really know if that's a good idea or not.  I've had some experience with these episodes.  The one that makes me question not going over is the one that ended with a 911 call due to her threatening suicide at least 4 times to me.  That gives me pause.

So, somewhat reluctantly I said I would be over.  She wanted hugs and comfort and to just sit and talk.   I have some experience with that as well.  More times than not, a talk session doesn't end all that well and I'm kicking myself for agreeing to go over in the first place.  But today was different.

Scarlett understandably does not want to leave her house.  She would also like to have Salty Dog with her, but that would necessarily require her to take him out of a home he has known for 13 1/2 of his 14 years.  And she doesn't want to do that.  She knows  that she needs to put on her big girl panties (not her words) and do the right thing.  Those are her words.  All I could tell her was that sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing.

She also mentioned being humiliated, knowing others are going through the same thing but not wanting to tell anyone.  Now, Salty here was thinking she was referring to the pending divorce.  When as it turns out she was referring to the DVD she claims she found (which at this point I now believe exists) in the other bedroom.  Rather than get angry about the continued insinuation/accusation that Salty here is anything but 100% pure American Testosterone, I just told her that if it makes her feel better to believe that it's mine to go right ahead.

She then had a moment of clarity and said, well, maybe it isn't yours.  Hey, I take my victories where I can.  Maybe not a grand slam home room, but I'll take singles or even bases on balls anytime!

After that she seemed to get out of her funk just a wee bit.  A little more talk then she asked me when I wasn't going to be mad at her anymore.  I told her that she never gave me a chance.

Huh?  What do you mean?

I mean that just about the time I start to get over whatever it was you said or did you haul off and do or say something else.

And with that Scarlett was laughing.  As I mentioned, I take my victories where I can.

Scarlett, while laughing said that yes she has a bad temper (I corrected her by saying impulse control) and that she was working on it.  I told her she could've fooled me with the working on it and more laughter ensued.  I decided that that was an opportune time to take my leave of Tara for the day.

I still don't know if it was the best idea to go over today but the final result, final as in today, was better than most.  That said, these things tend to have a delayed reaction at times so tomorrow it could all blow up in my face again.  Or she could revert back to digging in her heels and fighting for the marriage.  I have experienced that many times as well.

It all kind of reminds me of a bad aftertaste or the morning after.  You know the type.  You go out to have some innocent fun, have a bit more to drink than prudence would dictate and then the following morning you vaguely recall all the things you said, did and promised and who the hell is this fugly female next to me?

Okay, not the best or most precise analogy but hey, the blogs free.  You get what you pay for =)