All of the above

There's a book, called Games People Play, written by Eric Berne, M.D.over 50 years ago (1964 to be exact) that Dr. Shah suggested I read.  I secured a copy and read it.  Then reread some sections, skimmed some others and determined that there was a large portion of the book, at least for my current circumstances, that I could just leave alone.

I'd joked for years with friends, family and neighbors that I should probably go over to our local police department and register as a sex offender because I had married a child.  Since everyone I ever said this to knew Scarlett they knew exactly what I was talking about.

And apparently so did Dr. Berne.

He devotes the first couple of chapters to Parent/Adult/Child interactions.  So much of what he wrote back in '64 (when I was but a wee lad) is so spot on as to be almost unnerving though in a "I knew I wasn't nuts" sort of way.

That's where my thinking has been today.  How long have I had to be the Parent to Scarlett's child or the Adult to her child?  And without trying to exaggerate things, pretty much since we first met.

I know I didn't consciously do this, in fact quite a lot of my parental/adult behavior or whatever you want to call it as regards her was done simply because there was no other real choice.  Somebody needed to be responsible, someone needed to pay the bills, balance and reconcile the checkbook, keep track of what we had, what we needed at the store, when preventative maintenance needed to be done on vehicles, etc etc etc.

Scarlett wanted to be in charge of fun.  Whimsy.  Though she was also good at keeping a clean house, making sure the laundry was done (though at times I think she was a bit OCD about these things) but for the most part the major responsibilities fell to me.

Now I discover that I wasn't doing her too many favors, nor myself as I discussed in Friday's blog.

But the parent/child, adult/child way of interacting seems to have taken hold and I am really afraid it will ever be thus.

I have to credit a friend of mine, someone I've known since before Dr. Berne published his book, with the following insights:

Children don't have to be responsible.
Ignorance is bliss.
Ignorance is no responsibility.
It's not about knowledge, it's about ethics
and personal responsibility.

Irresponsible spending is unethical.

All of the above describe Scarlett.  She wants to be a child.  She does not want responsibility.  She does not really want to be held to a code of ethics unless it is to her benefit.  She does not want to prioritize.....well, anything.  In many ways life is like a multiple choice exam.  Or as some would say, multiple guess.  Either way, you are presented with a list of possible answers or in the case of life, priorities.  You can arrange them anyway you'd like but there are consequences for those who put obviously (or what should be obvious) lower priorities above what should be higher ones.

There aren't, per se, any right or wrong answers though there is history that can be your guide if you so choose to avail yourself of the experience of others.  And that is something that I see far too few people actually doing.

But, to continue, one of the choices that you will not see (unless your last name happens to be Trump, Rockefeller, Hughes, Carnegie....) is *all of the above*.  Yet that seems to be the only choice that Scarlett wants.

Sigh.