If I had a dollar for each time I've heard that phrase from Scarlett I'd have me a nice little fully paid for rental cottage within easy walking distance of the ocean.
What is it with the PD's that they seem to think they're owed apologies for what they perceive as any type of slight? Put aside for now whether one in fact occurred or not. Most of the time what's taken as an insult or a put down or some such is nothing even close.
Scarlett and I have had our share (and probably the share of a few others---whoever you are you're welcome) of disagreements and arguments over the years. You put two people together long enough and that is going to happen. Human nature.
I'm more interested though in the *whys* behind, or that frame, the disagreement/argument. Is it just a basic difference in values? A difference of opinions which both sides can support with evidence? Or is it emotional? A lack of fundamental understanding? Ignorance? Or just a temper tantrum because somebody isn't going to get their way but feel entitled to nevertheless?
I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I'm of the opinion that two adults can have a disagreement, discuss their differences and maybe at the end of it just agree to disagree. No apologies get demanded, neither one is told they should feel sorry for what they said (or didn't say) and life goes on.
Not always the case with a PD individual or a child. But when the PD is acting like a child.....the inscription that Dante saw as he passed through the gates of hell comes to mind: Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
Yet, I didn't abandon hope even when history suggested I should. In fact, that was probably my constant companion throughout my journey with Scarlett. The hope that one day she'd *get it*. The hope that understanding would come. The hope that the good words and thoughts she likes to mouth would one day be more than just words. The hope that she would see that I am not the jerk (realist?) that husband #1 was. The hope that she would see that the traits she abhors in others are also resident in her. The hope that she would really try and improve.
And I still have that hope for her. I imagine I always will. Not in my nature, though maybe it should be, to kick someone to the curb and say too bad, I tried, you lose. Life would probably be easier in a lot of ways if I could do that. But.....as Popeye said, I yam what I yam.
So, circling back to the beginning here, have I apologized? Hell no. I've decided to only do that and to say I'm sorry when I am truly in the wrong. I'm done with offering up apologies just to appease and try and get back to "normal". That's a good short term fix with bad long term consequences. Besides, it's highly doubtful that Scarlett will meet someone else ready with a quick unneeded apology so it's time she learned this as well.
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