Every silver lining has it's cloud

So another opportunity to enjoy some Kona coffee, vent my spleen and listen to some sage advice courtesy of Dr. Shah yesterday evening.

Arrived with 4 pages of notes just in case I needed them.

He wants to discuss feelings.  Or rather, he would prefer to discuss feelings but if I want to waste away the time complaining about what Scarlett has done or said, well as the man said - this is your dime.

You want feelings?  I got your feelings.  Right here.  How about frustration?  Anger?  Pissed off?  And I can add one more to the list.  A feeling of being overwhelmed by the sheer idiocy of having to deal with someone who seems to have a child's comprehension of what is going on.  How's them apples for feelings?

He zeroed in on overwhelming.

I asked him if he'd ever heard the line about dealing with women.  He said he wasn't sure what I was talking about so I told him that there are two ways to deal with women.

Neither of them work.

He offered up what Nietzsche had said about dealing with women.  In one hand you have a bouquet of flowers and in the other a whip.

Sounds about right to me.

So why am I feeling overwhelmed?  Well, primarily because Scarlett either can't or does not want to, understand some/most of what is going on, what the ramifications of some of her decisions could be, the consequences for her etc.

Why should I care I'm asked?

Lookit - I do have her best interests at heart.  I can see her stepping in front of a bus and it's just in my nature to want to reach out and pull her back.

Why?

Uh.  Force of habit?  Because that's what I've been having to do for years?

So you're mad at Scarlett because she doesn't understand a lot of things.  Things that you have protected her from.  Over protected her I imagine.  Don't you think it wise to allow people to fail?  Fall down?  Make mistakes?  How else do you learn?

Damn it!  I hate the way this conversation is going.  Yes.  I agree with all of that.  But. I disagree a tiny bit with the idea that I was over protecting her.  I was also trying to protect me.

From what?  It sounds like you're catastrophizing things.  Can you give me an example of anything she did that would support what you're saying.

Uh. Um.  No I cannot but that in no way diminishes what I knew she was capable of and what I could possibly be liable for due to the fact that we were/are married.

You need to let her fail.  Look.  There are only two possibilities here.  Either she has always had a loose grasp on reality - or - she has been too well protected from it.  And based on our conversations I highly suspect it's the latter.

Fuck.

So we batted this around for awhile, none of which reverses the histrionic/borderline behavior of Scarlett though it does cast a little different light on some of my own angst.  Like...I'm the primary cause of my own suffering here.

Grrr.

As I walked out to my car I was thinking about all of this.  I guess it's true what they say.

The road to hell IS paved with good intentions.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Good guys do finish last.

Nothing like having it pointed out to you that at times you can be your own worst enemy even though your thoughts, intents, desires and what not were all focused on what you perceived to be the best for all involved.