Too many questions

Unbelievable.  Just unbelievable.

Scarlett, who is now feeling quite strong and in control (how and why only God knows) is now telling me that she will be keeping the house.  In her words, she knows how to play hardball too.

Hardball?  Because I walked away from a chicken on a bbq?  Because I didn't leave detailed instructions on how to turn off said bbq?  Because in answer to her plaintive phone call about how to turn off the bbq I replied "turn the left two knobs so they are in the same position as the right ones" because of that?

Can't be much of anything else.  

Who knew you needed a gas bbq to play hardball?  I wonder if Major League Baseball is aware of this?  Imagine what this could do to the records of Babe Ruth.  Hank Aaron.  Willie Mays.  Don Drysdale.  Sandy Kofax,  Don Sutton.  Why didn't I ever hear about this from Vin Scully????  Why has this been kept a secret????  I wonder if tailgate parties may hold a clue to the answer???

Damn.  Too many questions and not enough answers!

So apparently I'm playing hardball.  Somehow.  Didn't even know it.  But bless her for pointing that out.  So yeah, she's going to keep the house.  So saith Scarlett.  I have no idea how this will be accomplished on her part.  Maybe something along the lines of the Immaculate Escrow?  Was there a bright star I missed somewhere heralding this arrival?  What about the three wise men?  Where are they.  Could they be Manny, Moe and Jack or Moe, Larry and Curly?  What are they bearing as gifts?

The mind reels with all these questions!

Anyway, she knows how to play hardball too.  Good.  I hate playing with myself  by myself.  Always more fun when others join in.  Hardball's a team sport anyway.

And I was also informed she knows exactly what is going on and I should be ashamed of myself for it.  According to Scarlett I am trying desperately to  prevent her from getting her half of what is rightfully hers.  And that makes her sad.  And my anger stems from my knowledge that I know that she knows that this is what I'm up to.  Got it?  Yeah, took me a little while too.

Funny.  All this time I thought my anger was due in no small part to the manner in which I had been treated, spoken to, the actions that had been taken against me, the nonsense I'd been expected to put up with, accept, excuse and forgive.  Nope.  Now I know it's all due to my trying to cheat her out of something that wasn't hers to begin with.  What a cruel evil monster I am.

Buffalo Springfield has a very well known song called For What It's Worth.  One of the stanzas from that song goes like this:


Paranoia strikes deep

Into your life it will creep

It starts when you're always afraid

You step out of line, the man come and take you away

My final question here is simply this - Where is this man and when is he planning on taking her away?

Chicken

So Scarlett had a chicken she wanted to BBQ today.  I agreed to go over put it on the grill and I suspected talk about condo's, money and whatever else might be on her mind.  I left Tara very quickly yesterday when the conversation made a wrong turn into community property law.  Another item I have been desperately trying to educate her on.  Suffice to say that regardless of facts, Scarlett just KNOWS what she is owed and the hell with anyone who says different.

Rather than argue (since she won't listen anyway) I left.  That was followed later in the evening with an email that simply said I don't want to fight with you.

So on that basis I returned to Fog Beach and Tara today.  Will I ever learn?

Got the chicken prepped and on the grill, played with Salty Dog then repaired into the garage to cool off and make sure Salty Dog got himself some water.

While we were there, out walks Scarlett.  What are you doing in here she wanted to know.  Just cooling off for a bit.  And then it started.

Did you see any of my emails on the condos she inquired.

Yes I did.  I responded to one of them yesterday.

Did you see the one today?

Yep.

Can I afford that?

I don't know.  What is your realtor doing?  She can figure out a down payment and the monthly payment on the balance (plus HOA fees) just as easy as I can.

Well she doesn't know how much money I'll be getting.

What the hell does that have to do with anything?  I don't know what you'll be getting either though I think we both have a rough idea.

Well, can I afford it?

I don't know.  Just roughing it out in my head tells me you'd be looking at $x,xxx.00 per month just for housing.  A little steep unless you're getting additional help from other quarters.

Well, I'm used to living like this (glances around the garage and does a sweeping motion with her hand)

Well, so am I.  So what?

Why should I be the one who has to live in a dump?  I didn't do anything!!

No.  You didn't do anything except over react and not control your impluses.

My impulses???

Yes.  Your impluses.

I'm entitled to live in the manner to which I've become accustomed..........................

And on that note I rose from my chair, went back into the house, retrieved my belongings, walked back out to the garage, told Salty Dog I'd see him later and left.

That chicken is probably still on the grill a nice black hard mess.  

Triage

Where did August go?  And somebody owes me a May, June and July as well!

Good meeting with the Shah last night primarily due to a less than good talk with Scarlett earlier in the day.  I'd gone over to Fog Beach to drop some items off at Tara and to check in on Scarlett who, she said, wasn't feeling very good.  Typical complaints.  Not getting a lot of sleep, gastrointestinal issues, pain...the usual stuff.

So I get done doing what I'd gone over to do and she asks me to sit down and talk.  I already know where this is headed even if I don't know the specifics and particulars of the upcoming conversation.  But I sit down to play the game anyway.

She knew I had a Shah appointment later that evening and wanted to know what I was going to discuss with him.  Now, I have no need, desire or obligation to tell her this but rather than be rude, which would probably be justified, I just said I didn't know yet.  Which was a true statement.  She pressed on wanting to know if I was getting anything out of these sessions.  Uh, what do you mean I asked.  You know, are you "growing", gaining any "insight" things like that she asked.  I suppose I said.  But you know it's a lot like the stock market.  Some days it's up, other days it's down and sometimes it pretty much stays flat.

Scarlett told me that didn't really answer her question.  I think it did but oh well.  And she'd brought this up, I guess, to tell me that she was thinking of stopping her weekly visits with Irving.  Feels like she's stealing money from out joint "pot".  That's up to you is what I told her.  Well, there's nothing wrong with me she says.  I've had two psychologists tell me that I am perfectly normal.  I'm fine.  Okay, I said.  I have no idea if this is right or not but anymore I really don't care.  So I told her that that was her call and I thought that would be the end of the discussion.

I really have to stop thinking in these talks.  It just leads to disappointment on my end.  Scarlett wasn't quite done.  Brings up the house.  Memories.  I won't like living there.  When am I going to get my money?  Why do you have forensic accountants?  Are you going to get married again?

It wasn't quite the shotgun blast described but the subjects did tend to change and weave a lot.  Told her I thought I'd be just fine in the house, explained the work of the accountants.....again and told her when she finds a condo the money for a down payment will be there.

That left the getting married again question.  She has a tendency to ask questions that she simply has no business asking.  I just said that for the moment and the indefinite future that I will be single, thank you very much.  Well, she responded that she now sees herself getting married again (good) because she liked being married, paid attention to and being taken care of.

I know she needs attention and I also know she likes and wants to be taken care of.  I'm done passing judgement on that.  It is what it is so so be it.

What does any of that have to do with the Shah?

Glad you asked!

I told him that I had no intention of telling her anything about our meetings, none of her business anyway.  Also told him about my stock market analogy towards our sessions when he asked how I thought they were going.  I had to be honest and say that they haven't really gone as far as I would have hoped but I knew a lot of that was due to all the time I sucked up using him as my sounding board to rant and vent about whatever it was Scarlett had done the week prior to each meeting.  But that had to end.  Told him that I figured out the best way to deal with her was pretty much through my attorney which freed he and I up for more important things.

So where do we go from here I asked.  Now the real work and therapy starts I was told.  He gave the example of an emergency room visit where you first stop the bleeding, get the breathing under control, all the major stuff.  Once that's done then you start looking at how to make the patient stronger etc.

As we all learned from M*A*S*H - triage first.

Cognitive Dissonance

Sunday morning.  Time to reflect with a good cup o' joe and just ramble on.

I've often accused Scarlett of suffering from cognitive dissonance though never to her personally.  What strikes me is that along with her, I too must have my own share of this.

Cognitive Dissonance: the mental stress or discomfort experienced by an individual who holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values at the same time, performs an action that is contradictory to one or more beliefs, ideas or values, or is confronted by new information that conflicts with existing beliefs, ideas, or values. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

On the one hand, I have believed (or told myself convincingly enough) that Scarlett, on balance, has her heart in the right place.  That she cares more for others than she does for herself.  She does not do things for personal gain.

On the other hand, I have witnessed her rude and condescending behavior towards others (behavior that were I the one engaging in it would result in a severe tongue lashing by....Scarlett), I have overheard conversations where she was quite plainly masking the truth (lying) and telling others what they wanted to hear for what I knew was her own ulterior motive.

She has claimed from almost the first day that I met her that money is not important to her.  It's all about happiness and contentment.  She could live a simple life and be wonderfully happy each day just rejoicing in what God has provided.

However.  I have also been called selfish, greedy, cheap, tight and a few other things along those lines.  How did I square those statements with her professed belief that money was not important?  Cognitive dissonance!

How did I continue to believe that she had a good heart, the best of intentions and truly thought well of others when I heard her sniping, snarkiness and general disgust towards certain other people?  Especially women who she deemed to be better looking than her.  Cognitive dissonance!

As much as I hate to say this, there is obviously something wrong with me as well.  Why did I put up with this nonsense for so long?  The signs were there, hell they weren't even signs.  More like clubs that I was being beaten with.  Yet through it all I continued to believe the outward persona that she put on was her true self.

How does a normal person do that?  Well, a normal person wouldn't!

How long should someone put up with an accusation of being gay?  This has been a recurring theme of hers going back to at least 2001.  16 years?  You gotta be kidding me I would say if a friend related this story to me.  What the hell are you still doing there?

At least I'm not still there.  Yay for me.  Well, yes I am still there.  Sort of.  But we're on the road out of crazy town.  No firm idea yet on how long a journey I have ahead of me but at least now I know I'm headed in the right direction.

It took me some time but I've known for a year or more that where Scarlett belongs in my life is in my rear view mirror.

I need more coffee.

Selective Amnesia

I was recently asked by someone who attended an event with Scarlett how I did it for 30 years.

But first a little background.

Scarlett has a big ego and low to no self esteem.  It is very common, though by no means always guaranteed, that  on any particular outing, whether that be attending a play, going to a concert, the county fair or even just a run of the mill shopping trip/eating out  she will manage to lose her temper over the slightest thing, insult workers and wait staff, make snarky comments concerning others and generally behave in a very boorish manner.

I have lost track of the number of times I've silently told myself that this is the last time.  I will not be going to or doing _________ with her ever again.  But when the next time came around, there I was going or doing the thing I'd sworn I'd never do again.

Why?

Selective amnesia.

The only way my mind could deal with what she was doing was to put in way back in the recesses of my memory.  We could have fight on Tuesday night and on Wednesday morning I could not tell you what we had fought about.  She could have made a rude comment to someone out in the lobby while waiting for a play, followed by additional rude, inappropriate comments during the play and by the time we got home my memory was pretty much fogged over as to the particulars.

This was simply an act of self preservation on my part.  The idea that I was married to someone who could behave this way and still stay married was something my mind could not accept.  So it did the next best thing.  It "forget" all the rude remarks, the insane questions, the connections she would make that were not valid connections at all, the conclusions she would draw based on little to no evidence, her statements of tact that were anything but fact.

I am told that away from all of this lies a world populated by normal people.  I hope to meet those normal people someday soon and leave this world of insanity that I've been dealing with.  Oh how I hope!

Let There Be Light

I'm tempted to say that slowly but surely the light is dawning for me but that's not quite correct.  The light dawned years ago but back then nothing seemed amiss.  Wasn't this the way all or most married couples lived?  Arguing, forced apologies, a very definite feeling that there were some things, important and not so that she just didn't get?

But what brought all this to mind was a continuation of a somewhat dormant conversation concerning my buying out her half of Tara plus questions and concerns of hers regarding alimony, medical insurance and medical payments.

I believe that both sides here have settled on the idea that I will be buying Scarletts half of Tara.  However, before that can occur, we are both having the residence appraised and for my part I am also working with a forensic accounting firm to ascertain my full ownership percentage.  Scarlett has tried in the past to talk me out of this but I know that the ownership split is not the 50/50 she would like.  This is true of some other assets as well, which the forensic firm is also looking into.

If you have ever dealt with accountants, and being one myself for far too many years I know this first hand, you need to have patience while we dot the "i's", cross the "t's", confirm that all the figures foot and that our backup documentation is in order.

So as part of this conversation, Scarlett wanted to discuss alimony.  She wants more than what she presently believes she will get.  My side is of the opinion that what she presently believes is inflated to a degree and that at the end of this her monthly amount will actually be lower.  At this stage and for the dollars involved I really don't give a rats ass.  That could change and probably will, though Scarlett knows I have no desire to kick her to the curb.

Well, as it turns out, one of the things that she is a bit vague on is what determines the monthly alimony amount.  Based on her complaints to me it sounded as if she thought it was based on the number of years that you were married.  Her plaintive plea was "After 30 years is that all I'm worth to you?"  So I had to explain (and wondered why I needed to as I was doing it) that alimony is based on earned income.  No more, no less.  Years of service count for nothing.  And if they did, though I didn't say this, I put in as many years so shouldn't mine be worth something to?

That seemed to quiet her down yesterday (Friday), but today she was back in full force.  Earlier today I went over to Fog Beach to see Salty Dog while Scarlett was meeting with Irving.  While I was there I snuck a peek at the latest pro-forma's I'd provided her with, on Thursday, as well as my 3 page explanation/narrative of what those pro-forma's were trying to convey to her.

She had made some notes.  Next to the alimony she'd written "You are going to pay me more than this", next to the line item for her estimated monthly medical/dental/Rx expenses she had written "You will be paying for this" and finally, next to the line item for medical insurance she'd penned "You will be paying for this too".

Now, when I initially saw those I got a little mad.  Not because what she wrote has any standing in reality but because we have been over this ground many, many times.  Yet, Scarlett still, for some unknown reason, firmly believes that I will be on the hook for these (and likely other) expenses of hers EVEN THOUGH WE WILL BE DIVORCED.  And then I had to smile.

I smiled because that was when the light I mentioned above began to show itself.  At some point in the near future I will have to tell Scarlett that no, I am not paying this expense or that expense.  Those are your responsibility.  In fact, after we are divorced you will be responsible for your life.  Something that sadly you've never really had to do before.  Well, that's not entirely true.  There was a very brief period in her life when she was responsible but it was during that time that we met, I realized she didn't have a clue what she was doing and proceeded to rescue her.  And yet not once during that time did I notice the big red flag waving in my face.  Man.  Live and learn I guess.

Scarlett, who claims she does not want this divorce (which is fodder for another post) has for virtually all of her life, been taken care of by someone else.  First her mother and father, which is to be expected, than her first husband and then me.  Now, soon it will be her turn and she is running scared at the thought of that.

Given what I've gleaned over the past 30 years with her, I'd say she has good reason to be running scared.

.38 Special

I have to say I really feel for Scarlett.  I can't imagine it's easy being in an adult body, knowing you are an adult but also knowing you can, have and will throw temper tantrums like a child/pre-teen/adolescent.

Somewhere, somehow she knows that is not acceptable (positive reinforcement notwithstanding), it is not how she should behave and no wonder many friends begin to back away, get busy, no longer call etc.

Were that me (thank you God it isn't) I can't help but think I would feel humiliated, small, fearful that others would eventually see me like that and disappear from my life.

Coupled with this, when Scarlett finds someone to call a friend, she has a tendency to smother them.  

The group 38 Special had a song - Hold on Loosely (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJtf7R_oVaw) that I tried to get her to understand to not much effect.  I found it helpful in of all places, flight training.  The key to proper control of an aircraft (at least one of them) is a loose hold on the yoke or stick.  Same with a motor vehicle.

I would go so far as to say that most things in life do not require a white knuckled death grip but instead a loose hold (reality would be an exception here), keep and maintain control, contact whatever the case may be but allow some freedom of movement for that other thing/person whatever to find its own equilibrium and balance.  I'm sure I could be accused of holding things too loose at times but I'll take that risk. 

I could never quite do that as much as I wanted with Scarlett.  I'd try, loosen my "grip" as it were and let her solo to use a flight analogy.  Far too many times I witnessed what can only be described as a painful and expense laden result from those efforts.  So naturally I'd tighten my grip again.  Until the next time.

Now I find myself in a position where I know I need to let go entirely but the hell of it is is that due in part to my actions over the years she doesn't quite know how to do what most of us take for granted on a daily basis.  Am I 100% at fault?  Absolutely not.  But the compassion in me says to help her, assist her, be there for her.

Which just serves to perpetuate the cycle I imagine.

Damn.  I want a perpetual motion machine, not a perpetual emotion one. 

I need hugs

Fairly quiet of late in regards to Scarlett.  Not completely but better than the recent past.

At times one gets the feeling that she has accepted the path we are one and at others, not so much.

Yesterday was an example of the former while today was an example of the latter.

Yesterday she was talking condos, new this, new that.  Sounded as though she was looking forward to the adventure.  Even wanted me to get involved in the looking process.  All very upbeat.

Today however she called and was sad, blue and depressed.  Wanted me to come over and comfort her.  I never really know if that's a good idea or not.  I've had some experience with these episodes.  The one that makes me question not going over is the one that ended with a 911 call due to her threatening suicide at least 4 times to me.  That gives me pause.

So, somewhat reluctantly I said I would be over.  She wanted hugs and comfort and to just sit and talk.   I have some experience with that as well.  More times than not, a talk session doesn't end all that well and I'm kicking myself for agreeing to go over in the first place.  But today was different.

Scarlett understandably does not want to leave her house.  She would also like to have Salty Dog with her, but that would necessarily require her to take him out of a home he has known for 13 1/2 of his 14 years.  And she doesn't want to do that.  She knows  that she needs to put on her big girl panties (not her words) and do the right thing.  Those are her words.  All I could tell her was that sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing.

She also mentioned being humiliated, knowing others are going through the same thing but not wanting to tell anyone.  Now, Salty here was thinking she was referring to the pending divorce.  When as it turns out she was referring to the DVD she claims she found (which at this point I now believe exists) in the other bedroom.  Rather than get angry about the continued insinuation/accusation that Salty here is anything but 100% pure American Testosterone, I just told her that if it makes her feel better to believe that it's mine to go right ahead.

She then had a moment of clarity and said, well, maybe it isn't yours.  Hey, I take my victories where I can.  Maybe not a grand slam home room, but I'll take singles or even bases on balls anytime!

After that she seemed to get out of her funk just a wee bit.  A little more talk then she asked me when I wasn't going to be mad at her anymore.  I told her that she never gave me a chance.

Huh?  What do you mean?

I mean that just about the time I start to get over whatever it was you said or did you haul off and do or say something else.

And with that Scarlett was laughing.  As I mentioned, I take my victories where I can.

Scarlett, while laughing said that yes she has a bad temper (I corrected her by saying impulse control) and that she was working on it.  I told her she could've fooled me with the working on it and more laughter ensued.  I decided that that was an opportune time to take my leave of Tara for the day.

I still don't know if it was the best idea to go over today but the final result, final as in today, was better than most.  That said, these things tend to have a delayed reaction at times so tomorrow it could all blow up in my face again.  Or she could revert back to digging in her heels and fighting for the marriage.  I have experienced that many times as well.

It all kind of reminds me of a bad aftertaste or the morning after.  You know the type.  You go out to have some innocent fun, have a bit more to drink than prudence would dictate and then the following morning you vaguely recall all the things you said, did and promised and who the hell is this fugly female next to me?

Okay, not the best or most precise analogy but hey, the blogs free.  You get what you pay for =)

Woof!

But absolutely no cats =)

More Sunday Comics

Sunday Comics

We need to talk

So I went over to Fog Beach this afternoon to pick up Salty Dog and keep him overnight at the campsite.  Scarlett told me ahead of time that when I got there she wanted to talk about something.

Everything comes with a price.

Didn't have any clue what the subject would be.  I'm never told these things in advance.  Element of surprise I imagine she wants in her favor.  C'est la vie.

Does she want to talk about something that her and Irving went over today?  Her financial situation?  Halting the divorce?  The house?  Alimony?  Maybe she has an updated list of demands?  

Well it was the house.  Sort of.  She doesn't want me to be sad and she fears that if I lived in that house I would be sad and depressed.  In essence I told her I'd take that chance because if I bought her out a number of things, all good, would happen:

1. I don't have to concern myself with emptying a garage let alone the remainder of my belongings at sale
2. Scout keeps his house and home
3. She need not be in a rush to a) find another place or b) move all her stuff out at sale

In other words, rather than being pressed for time, we can each take our time.

Nothing I haven't said before but for whatever reason I've never gotten used to the fact that I need to repeat myself with her.  So, the conversation is done and Salty Dog and I can go off to the campsite.

Except that it wasn't done.

Now she wanted to know what happened.  Why are we getting a divorce?  And so I start where I always have with this discussion, when someone tells me they are getting a divorce and back that statement up with numerous actions, I tend to believe them.  And I was about to continue when Scarlett interrupts "you always say that.  I want to know what happened before that."

So, I begin where I've always began on that discussion.  Yeah, I've been through a few of these.  I can't pinpoint the precise date but my best guess is that in 2008 when your daughter was going into the service - ------ Oop's, my bad, that was NOT what Scarlett wanted to hear.  And she told me that in essence.

Okay.  So I told her then why don't you just tell me what you want to hear and that's what I'll say.

No.  If you don't want to tell me, I'm not going to pull it out of you.

Pull what out of me?

What you don't want to tell me.

What don't I want to tell you?

I'm not going to tell you if you don't want to tell me.  You'll tell me when you're ready to tell me.

Okay then.  Is Salty Dog ready to go?

And so the conversation ended.  What is it that Scarlett wants me to tell her?  What is it that she is waiting to hear when I'm ready?  I already know the answer to that one and it revolves around some purported DVD and her belief that she is some sort of female goddess that every STRAIGHT man who sees her wants to immediately get to know her in the biblical way.

Irving has his work cut out for him.  You start peeling back the layers of Scarlett's onion and it seems you run across one phallic symbol after another. 

Who am I - III

101.  I like my solitude
102.  I have been accused of being a hermit
103.  Crowds bother me
104.  I define a crowd as anything more than 9 people
105.  I love the beach
106.  Lucky for me that's where I live
107.  I am not a health food fan
108.  I think the dietary role of fat, salt, cholesterol and grease is seriously overstated to the bad side
109.  If a long life entails eating rice cakes and drinking spirulina I'll opt for a shorter one
110.  Old hippies are fun to watch
111.  Some people really need to look in the mirror before venturing outside
112.  Just because you can wear a bathing suit at the beach does not mean you should
113.  I like funny car races (do they still have those?)
114.  I never had a paper route
115.  I started working at the family business when I was 9
116.  That would explain #114
117.  I've never been a waiter
118.  I have never regretted that
119.  All but one person I know believes I am easy going
120.  That one person is wrong
121.  I might be more easy going than is sometimes good
122.  Too bad.  I am what I am
123.  Some people should come with warning labels
124.  I like gardening
125.  I have composted
126.  Candy apples are summer fruits
127.  Hot dogs taste better at the ballpark
128.  I only eat turkey once a year
129.  Honey Baked Ham has excellent "au gratin" potatoes.  Ham, not so much
130.  I am a Clive Cussler fan
131.  John Sandford as well (Prey Series)
132.  Patricia Cornwell
133.  I am trying to read and re-read the classics (at least as I define them)
134.  Everyone should read more
135.  I've taken off and landed at virtually every airport from Lindbergh Field to Paso Robles.
136.  I've flown around Maui
137.  Wagged my wings at George Harrison
138.  I shared a beer and a campfire with Robert Redford
139.  I have talked to Robert Redford.  Nice guy though I don't agree with him politically
140.  I used to attend the Bakersfield Business Conference.
141.  It's now a shadow of what it once was
142.  I love cheese
143.  Cheddar, Monterey Jack, Jalapeno Jack, Jalapeno Cheddar, Havarti, Goat, Feta
144.  Cheese and Bacon are perfect together
145.  The Irish know how to make a bacon cheeseburger
146.  Irish bacon beats the snot out of American bacon
147.  I like baseball
148.  I think soccer, tennis, rugby and lacrosse are a waste of a good field
149.  I believe in sound money
150.  I could never be elected to any office in this state

Short post

I am happy (and at the same time sad) to report that our beloved Hinges has made it safely back to her residence in a state that contains no Fog Beach.  It is hoped that her stay there will not be overly long.

And on a somewhat related subject, my attorney is filing documents with the court to fire this thing up again with an expected settlement hearing somewhere in the December - January time frame.  Subject to change of course.  Either way.  For virtually any conceivable or inconceivable reason.

As my attorney told me once, the wheels of justice are square.  He also noted that only attorneys who aren't very good at being attorneys become judges.  I think that explains quite a bit!

So for the moment, at least until I hear from my FA's (forensic accountants) I can concentrate on other matters.

Double Header

Had that last meeting with Irving yesterday and I honestly believe he has a good idea of what I was going though with Scarlett for the past ?? years.  No discussion of trying to "fix" the marriage, no lectures on how people should not live alone, though in truth they never were lectures.  More like an opinion backed up by some research.  In any event, my time with Irving is now done while I hope that Scarlett's continues.

Also met up with the Shah yesterday evening.  Yep, it was a double header for Salty!

I did have the pleasure of one phone call from Scarlett last night once the Shah and I were done.  I so look forward to those calls.  Not.  Anyway, as usual it all started out innocently enough but eventually took the turn they usual do.

Scarlett is very worried and concerned about what her financial health will look like once the big D occurs.  I've done what I can to assure her that she will be fine, short of making promises that my attorney would have me drawn and quartered for.  The main problem as I see it is that she really doesn't know an awful lot when the subject is any of the following:

1. Money (saving and investing - spending she's a pro at)
2. Budgeting
3. Prioritizing
4. Delayed Gratification
5. Self Denial
6. What an "asset" is (other than a chair)
7. Why conserving #6 is wise and helpful
8. Thinking ahead

She has a severe problem when it comes to impulse control which pretty much explains most of the things in that list above.  Nevertheless, she is an adult.  But that's another story.

I did speak with my attorney today and he had received a call from Scarlett's that he had not yet returned.  I let him know that this thing is back on, Scarlett would like it done quickly but that I had also told her that it will go at it's own pace.  The main question from her side seemed to revolve around Tara at Fog Beach and whether Salty here was interested in buying her out or just list it for sale.

Why that is a question baffles me.  My stance on that with Scarlett has not wavered one iota since sometime last year.  Of course I am going to buy her out.  Nobody, and I do mean nobody is going to take Tara (which will be renamed) away from Salty.

Anyway, back to that phone call.  Tangents are so easy to get side tracked on.  Scarlett was concerned that I might not be "fair" during this process.  Despite all that I have done and just as importantly, not done, since I was unceremoniously invited to leave Fog Beach, she still has doubts.  It's like she thinks I'm her....

I did learn however that her definition of "fair" means that I am obligated to share with her things that are not and never were hers to begin with.  Why doesn't that seem "fair" to me?  Probably just another one of those mysteries of the universe....Anyway, when I objected and tried to explain the difference between community property and sole and separate property, as I have done countless times in the past, she got a wee bit peeved and expressed her peeveeness (that should be a word) by hanging up before I was able to finish a sentence.

Yeah, I know, I hear ya.  Why does THAT surprise me?  Seems like no matter how much rude, uncalled for behavior I experience, it always surprises me that someone, especially someone as advanced in years as Scarlett is, can actually act that way.  My bad I guess.  Not.

Concerts I've attended

KISS
Rush
Blue Oyster Cult
Moody Blues
Deep Purple
Huey Lewis and the News
Gordon Lightfoot
Turtles
Eagles
Heart
Willie Nelson
Chris LeDeux
Three Dog Night
Foghat
Kansas
Jefferson Starship
Fleetwood Mac (Tribute Band)
Led Zeppelin (Tribute Band)
Journey (Tribute Band)
Billy Joel
Elton John (Tribute Band)
ZZ Top
Styx
Boston
Sheryl Crow
Grass Roots
Steppenwolf
Steely Dan
Crosby, Stills, Nash
Martina McBride
Wishbone Ash
Nazareth
Yes
America
Merle Haggard
Marshall Tucker
Lynard Skynard
Association
Paul Revere and the Raiders
Earth, Wind and Fire
Bob Dylan
Eric Clapton
Paul McCartney and Wings
Beatles (Tribute Band - Fab Four)

Miscellaneous Ramblings

One more time with Irving (one on one) this Wednesday and I think I'll be through unless I trade him for the Shah....which I don't think is likely.

Apparently, Scarlett is under the impression that Salty is "pliable".  Wrapped around her finger as it were.  She's like a slow motion train wreck that I can see coming.

So, I found out today another thing that stress can cause.  I've already had an elevated PSA level which almost resulted in a biopsy, until it mysteriously went back to normal.  I've gotten to see a number of psychologists throughout this odyssey, been referred to a neurologist (haven't gone yet though) and today, well it was actually somewhat apropos.

Hemorrhoids.  Now I can't positively say for a fact that Scarlett was the reason for these or any of the things I mentioned above, but if not then we are left with mere coincidence.  I'm not a big believer in coincidences.  They do occur at times but I don't believe this to be one of those times.

Anyway, Scarlett believes now that the whole sordid DVD affair is now ancient history and there is no need to ever talk about it again.  And she is certainly entitled to her opinion.  As I am mine.  She believes that she has smoothed this over to such a great extent that I will naturally be willing to buy her a round trip ticket to the east coast to see her daughter at either Thanksgiving or Christmas.  And I am told, not by her (yet) that when the time comes for her to remodel the condo that she plans on buying, that I will gladly pay for that too.  And maintain her health insurance.

Really, if this was a TV show, it would have to be one of the most highly watched sit coms in broadcasting history.

Yes I know I am rambling a bit today, comes with the territory.  Don't like it?  Find yourself another blog to live vicariously through.

So Scarlett and I had another talk about the ultimate disposition of Tara at Fog Beach.  I was asked whether I intended to live there and I responded that that  would certainly be my preference.  Well then she wanted to know, how soon will you have my money?

I have no idea
Why not?
Because it will take some time to put it all together
When?  Can't you give me a window?
Nope.
Well if this gets in front of a judge and you say that he'll order it sold.
No.  No he won't.
That's what my attorney says.
Your attorney can say anything he wants.
Well, you won't be able to stop it.
I won't but my attorney will.
How?
Simple.  The judge will be told that forensic accountants are still determining what is and what is not community property as well as what portion of that community property is in fact sole and separate property.
Why do you have forensic accountants?  I don't have anything?  What are you looking for?
I'm not looking for anything.  I told you what they are doing.
Oh I get it.  You're trying to play hardball!  Well it won't work!!
Au contraire.  No hardball.  And nothing needs to work.  I'm just making sure that we each wind up with what is in fact ours.
<crickets>
<crickets>
<crickets>
Dial tone

Sorry Scarlett, I guess somehow I got unwound from that finger and for reasons unknown am not so pliable.  Damn the luck....

As the DVD turns

Because I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried, below is an email exchange between myself and Scarlett today.  The names have been changed to protect the idiots involved.  As usual, you need to start from the bottom and go up.







From: Salty 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 11:44:05 PM UTC 
To: Scarlett 
Subject: Re: thank you 
  
And yet it is someone else's. 
  
But hey, if it makes you feel better to pin it on me, call me queer, a pedophile, a buttf**ker -then you just go right ahead.   
  
I'll just add it to my list of things that I could never get you to see or think straight on. 
  
You need serious help Scarlett.  For your sake I hope you get it. 
  

From: Scarlett  
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 4:23 PM 
To: Salty  
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
Just because you have a dvd, it doesn't mean you are going to watch it in the bedroom. It couldn't be anyone else's. 
  

From: Salty  
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 3:56 PM 
To: Scarlett
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
Only because you actually believe your own damn nonsense.   
  
You, not me, you, with your insane ideas, your ludicrous "evidence" have "rocked your world".  Not me. 
  
One question.  How was I to watch this thing in there anyway?  There is no DVD player in there and hasn't been since xxxxx was there.  She brought her own.  Remember?  I had to hook the thing up.  It left when she did.  Don't believe me?  Go look.  There is a TV and a set top box in there.  No VCR, no DVD player.  In fact, we only have 2 DVD players.  The one downstairs and the one in the bedroom. 
  
Great detective work there.  You have me accused, tried and convicted based on nothing.  Get whatever you have fingerprinted.  Please. 
  
You really are crazy.   Bat. Shit. Crazy. 
  

From: Scarlett 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 2:18 PM 
To: Salty 
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
Just because I talked to them, it does not mean I said anything about the dvd. I did tell Virgina because I asked her if it was hers, twice, just to make sure. I didn't actually speak to Jughead. It would be nice to know that you actually care how upset this is to me. It has rocked my world to the core.    
  

From: Salty 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 1:46 PM 
To: Scarlett 
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
One friend? 
  
(Phone company) shows that you talked to Virgina, your attorney, Irving, Kentucky, Jughead, Mole, Drunk, Virginia again and again, then Mole again. 
  
I have left a message with my attorney.  He is, or will be, once he listens to that message, quite clear on my intentions.  
  

From: Scarlett 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 1:38 PM 
To: Salty 
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
I told you I wasn't going to tell anyone but I did tell a friend to talk to about this as it is very difficult. I don't think you are a heartless pedophile. You CAN be cruel at times and you can be a bastard at times. The last time we talked I told you I didn't want to fight with you. I hope you have contacted your attorney as you said there is no hope. I think I can agree with you on that. It's really very sad, though. I will be seeing Irving tomorrow at 11. Please, can we move along quickly with the divorce? It is torture for me, as it must be for you as well. Lets finish it and maybe one day we can be friends.  
   
From: Salty 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 1:06 PM 
To: Scarlett 
Subject: Re: thank you  
  
You are welcome. 
  
Discuss what precisely?   
  
Apparently you've already determined and I imagine told half the known world, that I am a murderous, cruel, heartless, gay, pedophile bastard.  Because as you said "it all fits". 
  
I have nothing left to discuss except my furry friend's well being. 
  
You want to discuss something with someone?  Take an hour out of your day tomorrow and go see Irving at 11:00. 
  
 From: Scarlett 
Sent: Friday, August 4, 2017 10:11 AM 
To: Salty 
Subject: thank you  
  
for the cologne. It came a couple of days ago. I think we need to discuss some things.  

Who am I - part II

52. I like Bond, James Bond movies
53. War movies - Revolution, Civil War, WWI, WWII, Korean, Vietnam
54. I do not trust the media
55. I do not trust politicians
56. I do not trust our courts
57. I have trust issues
58. I believe people should be allowed to smoke anywhere
59. I do not smoke
60. Zero Tolerance laws are transparent and ultimately futile attempts at social engineering  
61. Atlas Shrugged should be required reading
62. Animal Farm as well
63. Brave New World and 1984 should be on your list
64. The Road to Serfdom explains a lot
65. I am not a Keynesian
66. I believe economists are latter day witch doctors only not as educated
67. Rich people are not the problem
68. Ignorant ones are
69. Boysenberry or strawberry are the only two jam choices I require
70. Shat's bakery puts all the others to shame
71. I majored in finance
72. I worked as an accountant
73. Now I manage portfolios
74. Is that a full circle or just a late start?
75. I love dogs
76. I will tolerate cats if I have to
77. But dogs rule
78. I enjoy steel grey skys
79. I look forward to foggy days
80. I enjoy listening to rain 
81. I wish someone would invent a time machine  
82. I'd only use it in reverse
83. Thrifty's ice cream is the best store bought ice cream out there
84. If you don't know what a Santa Maria BBQ is you need to find out
85. I've been to Ireland
86. I would go back
87. With different company
88. I've never been on an active duty submarine
89. Had a chance but Polaris missiles were replacing Regulas at the time
90. Apparently the Navy thought a 10 year old boy was a security risk
91. I have taken the road to Hana
92. I do not need to do that again
93. I have para-sailed
94. Another thing I do not need to do again
95. I saw Star Wars when it first came out
96. And six times thereafter    
97. I don't know why
98. I married a lunatic
99. I am trying to correct that mistake
100. I believe in the power of prayer and appreciate all those said in my behalf